The horrors of particle colliders!
(4/30/2008 07:39:00 PM)
Approximately 17 years ago, a bunch of drunk mad scientists decided to wonder what would occur if their idol Rambo was merged with ordinary bimbos. Not satisfied with theoretical calculations, they decided to try out this experiment using an particle collider using samples from both Rambo and Bimbo (I shall not divulge the exact identity of Bimbo).
Properties of HIMBO
Few explanations could be proffered in the face of such anomalous behaviour. Scientists all over the world have reached an unanimous consensus that there is no consensus. This isnt helped by the lack of research done in the field, as the likelihood of death far outweighs the fame and fortune won.
Bonding
Due to its high electronegativity, HIMBO is capable of forming compounds with all sorts of elements, capable of stripping normally resistant elements totally of their electrons. In practice however, HIMBO tends to turn to another target before completing the process, preventing the process from reaching completion. Please bless the merciful heavens for letting this be.
Indeed, applying several concepts from Gravitation, the escape velocity required to totally break free from HIMBO is approximately 9% the speed of light. As it is, we havent even taken into account the infinitely stronger electromagnetic attractions that occur between HIMBO and any pitiful objects in its path.
Examples are shown below
Image 2: HIMBO shown in a state of arousal while trying to strip off (electrons I mean, what else could you think of?)
Image 3: In a desperate attempt to fully ionize the air surrounding it (a global problem second only to the particles HIMBO diffuses to the air on on a particular unlucky day of the week), HIMBO tries to vibrate in a promiscuous fashion with a curry puff in its hand as bait.
Image 4: HIMBO entering into a climax (orgy?), with it emitting deafening and orgasmic moans and groans corresponding to a heavily mutilated song.
Image 5: HIMBO showing off one of the many trophy electrons he has stripped off from unwilling objects.
Which brings us to the a famous class of reactions involving HIMBO and an indeterminate element, hereby abbreviated as I. Somehow, despite I having a full electron shell and a stable octet, HIMBO still seems to have an unnatural fetish for electrons, resorting to forcibly removing them from I.
As we have learnt, the removal of electrons from atoms requires energy, especially since the electrons are so close to the nucleus as in this case (Grp 8 elements have the highest ionization energies of their respective period). Thus the reaction would tend to be endothermic. However, the high electron affinities of HIMBO more than compensate for the high amounts of energy required, thus making the reaction highly favourable and exothermic.
Image 6: HIMBO reacting in a vigorous and spontaneous nature with I. This elusive reaction is hard to capture on camera due to the vigour of HIMBO, even when the element I is highly against this sort of ionic bonding.
Little detail has been noted regarding what happens during this reaction. However, after much painstaking observations and experiences, a holistic view of most of the reaction has been noted.
Start:
1. HIMBO and I meet. "Meet" as a term is applied very loosely in this context. It can even occur more than 10 meters away
2. HIMBO makes eye contact with I.
3. I returns eye contact.
4. HIMBO starts vigourously moving/vibrating/fluctuating its eyebrows. This might be a threat display or an intention to commence chemical relations with I or simply a sign of arousal. Whatever the case, the overly curious I in its folly usually replys with.....
5. I stares at HIMBO with the appropriate facial expression. Apparently, this stare is unwittingly highly attractive to HIMBO, leading to an electrostatic attraction towards I
(Violating the 3rd law though, I does not experience an electrostatic attraction. In fact, in many cases this means that I experiences an infinitely strong electrostatic repulsion.)
6. HIMBO overcomes the feeble attempts of I at preventing imminent death/mutilation/rape. Now HIMBO is close enough to commence verbal exchange and interactions.
7. I retorts with something meant as repulsive in nature, but unwittingly attracts HIMBO further. (Stupid I, it should learn from its mistakes, though I is probably too curious anyway)
8. HIMBO now is within physical interaction distance. The game is nearly up for I.
9. I valiantly trys to fend off HIMBO's incoming attacks with its arms/legs/camera, whichever it deems appropriate.
10. HIMBO grabs the offending object blocking him from his ultimate goal, triggering a chain of chaotic events which ends with I in a losing position, with sore arms/wrists/fingers etc.
11. Mate looms in the horizon, with the imminent prospect of I's arms/legs being electrostatically and gravitationally ripped off by HIMBO.
Thankfully, by this time HIMBO is usuall too distracted by some other hapless object in the distance to effectively carry out this threat. So the reaction ends in HIMBO's favour, though I lives to die another day.
So, due to the large electronegativity difference between HIMBO and I, the bonding/bondage between the two elements is best described as Ionic. Though I attempts to pull back its electrons, this weak force is overpowered by HIMBO's immense bulk and electronegativity.
Who will save us? Our only hope is the Master of Space and Time.
Image 7: The omnipotent Master pondering of the fate of the Universe in the face of the Rampaging HIMBO. It seems that he will take 1000 years to complete his meditation and find out the best method to combat this scourge.
Till then, the peasants in the Dominion of HRH JWS will have to be afraid. Be VERY AFRAID.
Disclaimer: This post is fictional. Nothing in this post is meant to reflect current world realities, not that this post is designed to anyway. Nothing in this post should be construed to accurately reflect the persona of anyone stated in this post. Any resemblance to any fictional persons is coincidental. The poster did not do this post in malice, as this post has taken 3 weeks to complete, way before the recent events which have occurred.
With great leaps taken, the author proceeds to throw himself into the firestorm of what would be known as HIMBO, just like what the inherently silly I did. The author expects to be incinerated fully to a nice powdery dry condition, but doesnt care about it since he has already/will be incinerated by the horrific informal 08S6H photo anyway, leaving an HIMBOtic size digital footprint.